Last week was a very difficult week. I was so hopeful that Austin was finally 'getting' it but for every two steps that he takes forward, he takes a step back almost immediately. I know that progress not perfection is a key verse in AA and I'm trying to focus on that and be grateful instead of feeling discouraged and angry. And I don't know if I was more disappointed and angry at MYSELF than I was at him. Everything that I 'thought' I had learned in Al Anon just seemed to fly out of the window last week. I just keep letting myself get my hopes up even when I know that alcoholism is a disease and every day is a struggle and there is no cure. I know in my head about alcoholism and what I can and can't expect but in my heart.....my mom heart.....I'm struggling. Tuesday morning was when it all came crashing down around me.....I just wanted to throw all of my Al Anon literature and my Bible across the room. I felt like they were just empty words....empty promises....lies. Luckily I had an Al Anon meeting that night and it put me back on track with my Higher Power and my program. Are things better for Austin? Yes and no. I am just thankful that he IS attending some meetings and am prayerful that he will leave each meeting with something positive and useful that he can use to show him how to get on the path to sobriety and stay there. This journey that God has me on is exhausting at times...a lot of times if I'm really honest.....but I trust in Him and His love for me....this is where HE wants me and I pray that I learn from this what He is trying to teach me and show me.
We attended a Celebration of Life on Saturday for Craig's sister and brother's father-in-law....two of his siblings married siblings. It is complicated! We were able to visit with his mom, his sisters, Tonia and Lisa, and his brother, Eric. We had a good visit with them and of course, there was a lot of laughter! We didn't know their father-in-law but wanted to be there for Eric's wife, Melody, and Lisa's husband, Daniel. We picked up PF Chang's on our way home and it was so good! I really think I could eat there every single day! It is THAT good!
Sunday was another beautiful sunny and warm day. We went to 8 a.m. Mass and then treated ourselves to a donut before doing our WalMart run. BJ smoked ribs out on his smoker and they were so good! I made some Texas Potatoes and Broccoli/Cheese/Bacon salad to take over with us. I am anxious for warmer temps so that we can cook out more often and sit outside!
I've been putting my application in at several different places. Haven't heard back from anyone yet but am trusting that God has this and when the right job comes along, He will make it happen for me!
"
For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope" Jeremiah 29:11
GiGi
No comments:
Post a Comment