Missing....

Yep!  I've been missing for a while now!  I spent quite a bit of time last week online searching for jobs and filling out applications.  The search for jobs is a whole different ballgame these days.  You don't just go in and fill out an application.  Everything is pretty much online and assessments.  Then you wait....and wait....and wait.  I have filled out several applications and now am waiting.  I will go next week and hit the pavement if I don't hear anything this week.  I know there are a few yet that do personal applications or at least you fill out the application there.  Will go to Hobby Lobby and also Walgreen's.  I trust that God has the perfect job for me and I just haven't found what He has in store for me yet! 

Austin and I attended the AA Winter Holiday Convention last weekend.  Oh My Gosh!  It was awesome!  I had always heard how amazing they were but had no idea HOW amazing!  The speakers were all so good and will definitely be attending more of those!  I think Austin enjoyed it.  He said that he did learn some things and he thanked Terry for inviting him and getting him the ticket.  He worked the registration desk Friday night and I know that just getting out of his room and being with other people was so good for him.  Everyone has been so good to take him under their wings and help him on this journey he is on.  I am so thankful for everyone that is in his life now.  He is now surrounded by people who love him, want only the best for him, encourage him, and are there for him. 

I spent a little time working in the front lawn this afternoon between loads of laundry and dishes and cleaning.  I keep getting piles of leaves that magically appear on the front porch and right outside of my front door!  I got those all raked and swept the front porch and sidewalk.  Discovered that there are a lot of leaves in the front flowerbed so think that may be contributing to my leaf situation.  I got those raked out of there....or at least a little more of 1/3 of them that is closest to the front porch.  Filled up a garbage bag and then had just closed it up and it started to rain so whether I was ready to quit or not.....Mother Nature decided that I was ready to quit!

Looking forward to Mom and Dad coming down Friday and celebrating Chloe's 5th birthday Saturday!  I cannot believe that she will be 5 years old already!  And they are registering her for kindergarten!  Wow! 

Ooops...I hear the clothes in the dryer wanting to be folded and put away!  Have two more loads of laundry to do today.  Funny how my clothes hamper can be totally empty one day and half full the next.  We are either the cleanest or the dirtiest people I know!

God Bless!

GiGi

Go Razorbacks!

Got home from my meeting in time to watch the last half of the Razorback basketball game!  WOW!  What an awesome game!  Went into overtime and we won it the last tenth of a second!  The fans and players went nuts!  I'm sure Dickson Street will be celebrating tonight!

Our winter temperatures are back!  It was nice to have the warmer temperatures for as long as we did but I think it only makes the cooler weather feel cooler!  Glad that Austin and I got the back yard scooped and glad that we took the time to play Frisbee!  Woke up to rain and I think it rained most of the morning.  The sun never did make an appearance so felt cold all day.  Supposed to have rain mixed with snow tomorrow morning as well.  BUT....supposed to warm up again over the weekend.  I am so ready for Spring!

Contacted the church to have our membership changed from St. Joseph's to Immaculate Heart of Mary.  The parish secretary knows Craig!  She worked at Channel 4 when he did!  Small world!  I am anxious to get involved in the parish.  I know it will help us feel like we are more a part of the parish when we become active and meet new people.  I also asked about a Bible Study.  She said that there is one after the 8 a.m. Mass so is going to have the deacon email about the details.  Since I go to 8 a.m. Mass.....that would be very convenient! 

Chloe is going to spend the night with us tomorrow night so I am so excited!  It has been a long time since she has spent the night with us.  With all of the holidays and company we have had....we just haven't had a free weekend.  I will need to run to the grocery store tomorrow morning and get some snacks.  I will pick her up from school and treat her to Starbucks. She is growing up so fast....it seems like just yesterday that she was born and now she will be 5 in just a few short weeks!  I am so blessed to be able to live so close to her and to be able to be a part of her life on a daily basis instead of once every few months. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make straight your paths.  Proverbs 3:5-6

GiGi 

I'm Baaack!

Last week was a very difficult week.  I was so hopeful that Austin was finally 'getting' it but for every two steps that he takes forward, he takes a step back almost immediately.  I know that progress not perfection is a key verse in AA and I'm trying to focus on that and be grateful instead of feeling discouraged and angry.  And I don't know if I was more disappointed and angry at MYSELF than I was at him.  Everything that I 'thought' I had learned in Al Anon just seemed to fly out of the window last week.  I just keep letting myself get my hopes up even when I know that alcoholism is a disease and every day is a struggle and there is no cure.  I know in my head about alcoholism and what I can and can't expect but in my heart.....my mom heart.....I'm struggling.  Tuesday morning was when it all came crashing down around me.....I just wanted to throw all of my Al Anon literature and my Bible across the room.  I felt like they were just empty words....empty promises....lies.  Luckily I had an Al Anon meeting that night and it put me back on track with my Higher Power and my program.  Are things better for Austin?  Yes and no.  I am just thankful that he IS attending some meetings and am prayerful that he will leave each meeting with something positive and useful that he can use to show him how to get on the path to sobriety and stay there.  This journey that God has me on is exhausting at times...a lot of times if I'm really honest.....but I trust in Him and His love for me....this is where HE wants me and I pray that I learn from this what He is trying to teach me and show me. 

We attended a Celebration of Life on Saturday for Craig's sister and brother's father-in-law....two of his siblings married siblings.  It is complicated!  We were able to visit with his mom, his sisters, Tonia and Lisa, and his brother, Eric.  We had a good visit with them and of course, there was a lot of laughter!  We didn't know their father-in-law but wanted to be there for Eric's wife, Melody, and Lisa's husband, Daniel.  We picked up PF Chang's on our way home and it was so good!  I really think I could eat there every single day!  It is THAT good! 

Sunday was another beautiful sunny and warm day.  We went to 8 a.m. Mass and then treated ourselves to a donut before doing our WalMart run.  BJ smoked ribs out on his smoker and they were so good!  I made some Texas Potatoes and Broccoli/Cheese/Bacon salad to take over with us.  I am anxious for warmer temps so that we can cook out more often and sit outside! 

I've been putting my application in at several different places.  Haven't heard back from anyone yet but am trusting that God has this and when the right job comes along, He will make it happen for me! 

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope"   Jeremiah 29:11

GiGi

Just not feeling well.....

Yes....this is pretty much how I have felt this week.  Didn't feel well Monday and the gloomy, cold, damp weather certainly didn't help!  I felt better yesterday but had a low grade fever.  I debated on staying home last night and not attending my Al Anon meeting but it was one of those days that I NEEDED that meeting!  I know in my head that I am powerless over alcohol but the heart is a little harder to convince....I think it is the mom part of my heart.  I heard something today that said a mom is as happy as her saddest child.  So true.  I also know that I have to remember that God knows what is in my heart and I don't have to keep praying for the same thing over and over.  I just have to pray it once and then say prayers of thanksgiving for the answers to THOSE prayers.  I think if I keep praying the same thing over and over......what does that say about my faith that God hears and answers my prayers? 

I put my application in at a couple of different places here in Maumelle today.  I don't know if anything will come of it but once again.....will leave it in God's hands and He knows the path that He wants me to be on so I DO trust in my Higher Power and I know it will all work out according to His will, not thine. 

I think I will take some sinus medicine and drink some hot water.  I think this is just that little virus that everyone has had or just a sinus infection.  I am losing my voice so am thinking it may be what BJ had a couple of weeks ago.  He did end up losing his voice for several days.  He didn't feel well but didn't feel sick enough to stay in bed.  Maybe if he HAD stayed in bed, he would have gotten over it sooner! 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change,
the courage to change the things that I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

GiGi

Church and Phase 10!

Woke up to freezing rain this morning but we were able to go to Mass at 8 a.m.  Melissa was in town so she joined Craig, Austin and me for Mass.  I miss going to Mass with her!  When we lived in Springdale, we would go to Mass and then go out for breakfast together.  Was very special.  We met BJ, Mandi and Chloe for breakfast at iHop after Mass.  Was good to have the family together for a little visit!  Missed having Ryan with us though.  He would have been our entertainment! 

Melissa was sweet enough to give Craig and Austin both haircuts when we got home from breakfast.  They both look so handsome now!  Craig's hair was really getting long so it was perfect timing that she was in town! 

After haircuts Austin, Melissa and I played Phase 10!  Of course I won!  I was running away with the game for most of the game but then Austin started catching up with me and I ended up winning by only about 20 points or so!  It was a lot of fun!  I know Austin enjoyed spending time with Melissa.  They have always had a very special bond and he misses her a lot since we moved away. 

Olive is snuggled up next to me here on the sofa and Allie is snuggled up next to the fireplace.  Their tummies are full and now it is nap time! 

Laundry is calling for me!  We are either the cleanest family in Maumelle or the dirtiest!

GiGi

Chloe Time!

We haven't seen Chloe since last weekend so was so excited to see her this afternoon!  She and BJ came over to watch the Razorback basketball game with us.  Chloe and I played and I baked us some chocolate chip cookies.  She is getting so big!  It is hard to believe that she will be 5 in a few short weeks!  She reminded me again tonight that she is having her birthday party here!  BJ said that she had also told them that last night and he didn't know if that was MY idea or hers.  I told him that she had asked me if she could have it here and I had told her yes.  I didn't want to step on any toes and have anyone thinking that I'm taking over planning Chloe's birthday party.  They can have it here or not....I don't mind either way.  She did tell me that she wanted an Elsa birthday party....big surprise there! hahaha 

Melissa is on her way from Fayetteville.  She is catching a flight out of LR tomorrow evening going to LA.  She had planned on coming early in the morning but they are predicting wintry weather after midnight throughout the morning hours.  They could miss it but they could also miss it in that it could be a lot worse than they are predicting.  I hate that she is having to drive at night but is better than traveling on icy roads in the morning!  Will be good to spend some time with her!  She is bringing Olive and we will be doggie sitting while she is in LA next week. 

Austin is doing very well.  He chose to not attend his IOP sessions.  I prayed about it last night and God pretty much reminded me of the slogan "progress not perfection".  He is making progress and I know the IOP sessions are counseling and since he will be having one on one sessions I guess it really isn't an issue.  I think he felt better today....maybe slept better. 

We will have to venture out tomorrow and get Allie some more dog food.  She has enough for in the morning and then she is out!  If she knew just how little she had in her container, she would be freaking out and pacing the floor! 

Time to snuggle up next to the fireplace!

GiGi

TGIF!!!!

It has been a busy couple of days.  Austin was discharged yesterday morning!  It is so good to have him back home.  I am so proud of him for making this choice and am praying for continued strength, hope and an awareness that he is not alone on this journey and has never been alone.  God has been right there with him and loves him as much as I do...even more!

He went to my meeting with me last night and I saw a strength and confidence in him that I haven't seen before.  So thankful for that blessing!!!  I took him to another meeting at noon in Little Rock.  I think last night was the first night that I have slept in a long time! 

It is still very cold out there but the sun is shining and the wind isn't blowing as much as it has been.  THAT makes a huge difference.  While Austin was attending his meeting I sat in the parking lot with a good book, a thermos of hot water and the sun shining in on me!  It was a good hour for me as well!

I am fixing Cajun Chicken for supper tonight.  I made it once before and Austin liked it so he requested it for supper tonight.  Should have enough leftover for supper tomorrow night as well. 

Stay warm!

GiGi

Brrrrr! How many more days until Spring?

Even though the sun has been shining all day....the wind and cold temperatures are keeping the sun from warming the temperatures up!  It MAY look warm out there but believe me....it is NOT!  How many more days until Spring?!

I talked to Austin this morning.  He said that he guessed that he was feeling better.  We will get to visit with him tonight from 7 - 8 p.m.  I am taking him a sweater, beanie hat and a book.  I am also taking him an email from his mimi that I printed off for him.  I told him how proud I was of him for making this choice and knew that he was in the right place to get healthy and happy.  I still wish that I could just make this all go away and say the magic word or give him the magic pill so that he is forever cured.  BUT with prayers and his program, he can get his life back. 

My meeting last night was just what I needed.  We focused on Step One of the Twelve Steps and it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear.  There were a lot of tears last night and laughter.....a very emotional night but a good night.  I am so thankful that God led me to that first Al Anon meeting.  It is good to be on this journey with so many wonderful friends in spite of how we got here. 

"THINE WILL, NOT MINE, WILL BE DONE!"

GiGi

Serenity Prayer

I don't even know where to begin.  I have been praying along with so many family and friends for God's guidance, strength, hope in dealing with the alcoholism that controls my son's life.  Al Anon has helped me in ways that I never thought possible.  When I first went into my first meeting, I was so lost, hopeless, and desperate.  I wanted to know how to help my son.  Instead I learned how to help myself which often times does help the alcoholic.  For once in a very long time, I felt at peace, accepted, and loved.  I didn't know these people but they knew me because we are on the same journey.  I cannot express the feelings that I felt at that first meeting.  I cried a lot, shared a little through tears, but for that hour.....I didn't have to worry about saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing.  I know sometimes you may have to attend several meetings to find your 'home' meeting but I was lucky and found mine the first time around!  I am still new to the program but the tools that I'm learning have helped me get through some really difficult times.  And Kathy has been there for me day and night...during good times and bad.  We have laughed and cried together and I don't know how I would have gotten through these last few months without her love and support.  Yesterday, my son came into the living room and said that he was ready to go into rehab.  I cannot tell you how many prayers have been offered up for my son's sobriety.  He has gotten sober several times on his own but the sobriety only lasted from a couple of weeks to maybe a month at the most.  He just wasn't there.  Didn't want sobriety enough to do whatever it took to get and stay sober.  I took him to Bridgeway yesterday afternoon and they immediately admitted him.  He was going through detoxing so his blood pressure and heart rate were higher than they felt comfortable with.  I had prayed while we were sitting there waiting for the assessment and asked God to guide me.  If this was the path that my son was supposed to be on....then I prayed for the admission process to go smoothly.  I knew if we hit very many snags, my son would lose patience and want to go home.  I know without a doubt, that God was working everything out so that my son would get admitted and most importantly would be under a doctor's care during this difficult time.  Detoxing is not easy on a body....it takes its toll and my son has been abusing his body for a long, long, long time.  When I went to Mass Sunday and prayed for my son to have hope, peace in his life, strength and faith....I felt such a peace and now I know why.  God had this.  He always did.  It broke my heart to leave my baby in that place but it is a nice facility and the people that I met seemed to be caring and knew what they were doing.  I just hate this disease.  It is incurable.  He will be able to control it with counseling and working the program but it will always be in his life ready to pull him down.  I didn't sleep well last night.  I wrapped the blanket that he gave me for my birthday around me and prayed that the warmth and love that I felt wrapped in the blanket would somehow be shared with my son.  My 'mom' heart is broken but I know that God has this.....He always has....just in His timetable....not mine.  I don't know how this will all turn out.....I can't worry about tomorrow....only today.  And as I have heard in my meetings...progress not perfection. 

GiGi

Sunday Funday!

Got to spend some time with this special little girl this afternoon!  She is always bringing me something of hers as a gift!  She has such a generous heart!  Today she brought me a little bracelet with a charm with her name engraved on it!  She brought her makeup and had planned to do my nails but by the time we finished with supper, it was getting too late.  BJ and Chloe came over for dinner and BJ wanted to take Mandi her dinner while it was still warm. 

Went to 8 a.m. Mass this morning.  It was a good sermon.  Father talked about our journeys that we are on and having hope in our lives.  Two very important things for me to hear today.  I do need to stay on course with God as my GPS.  I can just hear Him sometimes telling me to 'turn around as soon as possible' when I take off on my own path!  And without hope I don't think I would be able to get through some of my days!  I try to remember to take it one day at a time....one hour at a time.....or sometimes even one minute at a time.  I don't always remember to do this but when I do....it does make a difference!  Progress, not perfection, right?!

We finally saw the sunshine today!  BUT that wind was bitterly cold!  Ryan has someone scheduled to come out to look at the furnace tomorrow.  We told him some things that he needs to do in order to prevent the pipes from freezing up.  I just hate that they don't have heat but at least they have the gas fireplace!  And little heaters for the bathroom. 

Finished packing up all of the Christmas decorations.  While BJ was here for dinner, we hauled everything back up into the attic.  BJ handed boxes up to Craig who was halfway up the ladder and then he handed them on up to me in the attic!  Didn't take us long and am glad to have that job done! 

Cooked my grandma's Macaroni and Beef for supper tonight (comfort food!), green beans, tossed salad and french bread.  Yummy!  Craig was trying to tempt me into going out for dinner but (1) it was too cold for me to want to get out (2) and most importantly it was a lot cheaper eating at home and after the holidays and this furnace issue....we need to try to cut back on our spending. 

Thankful for my faith, friendships and family!

GiGi

Rain, rain, go away......

Poor Allie is not feeling well today.  It took her most of the day to finish her morning feeding and she hasn't shown any interest in her evening meal!  Now this is the diva that starts throwing her dish around at 3:30 p.m. wanting her 5 o'clock meal served NOW!  Other than lack of appetite, she seems okay.  Sleeping a lot but she does that everyday!  I just gave her some food and she is just looking at it.  : (   Maybe she is just sick and tired of all of the rain that we have been having and is needing some sunshine!

We had rain during the night and most of the morning.  It finally moved out around noon but was still misting and cool.  We tried to stay indoors as much as possible.  We did run to Neighborhood Market to pick up a few groceries.  BJ and Chloe came over to watch the Razorback basketball game at 2 p.m.  They brought some leftover chili with them so that is what we had for supper!  Was a perfect day for chili!  Chloe brought me a hostess cupcake!  That girl knows her GiGi!  I sent her home with 3 little pudding cups!  I know my Chloe!

Ryan called this afternoon with the news that our heat isn't working at the house!  Great!  It is going to be really cold there tonight and tomorrow and tomorrow night....below freezing.  We told him what to do in the meantime and if the steps that BJ suggested he try don't work....to make sure he calls someone out to get it fixed.  Do not want pipes to freeze!  We cannot afford that expense!  Not really looking forward to expense of someone coming out on a weekend either!  He was at the Razorback basketball game and had just gotten home and was heading back out again.  Not much that I can do about it living 3 hours away!

I have been working on getting myself familiar with Excel.  I know in order to get back into the work force....I need to learn some computer skills that I'm not familiar with that are used in office settings.  I learned some basic skills but want to work some more practice sessions so that I feel more comfortable working with Excel.  I think I can...I think I can.....I think I can!

Think it is time to take a break from the computer and find a movie on Netflex!

GiGi

Friday already?

I have been so mixed up on what day it is for the last couple of weeks!  The holidays have really challenged me on what day it is! I kept thinking yesterday was Sunday so it felt like Monday this morning.  I know Craig was happy that it wasn't Monday!  Was so afraid that I would forget to set the trash and recycling out on the curb this morning! 

Today is another rainy day so will be a good day to tackle the laundry pile, finish packing up Christmas decorations and haul everything back up into the attic. 

I have decided that it is time to make some changes for me.  I am ready to get out there and find a job!  I have mixed feelings about it but it is time.  It will be an adjustment for my family because they will have to step up and help.  I have always done all of the house work, yard work, taking care of finances.  As grateful as I am for being able to stay at home and raise my boys....whenever anyone asks if I work.....I always hesitate.  I don't know why because I DO work....I just don't get paid for it!  I think it will be good to have some extra money coming in....time to start paying off some credit and replenish our savings that took a hit when Craig was out of work for 6 months.  I've put my application in at a couple of different places and after praying about it....am leaving it in God's hands whether either of those places are right for me.  I know that if so, things will fall into place and it will feel right.  And...I will continue looking. 

Even though the weather outside is cold and rainy......it is warm sitting next to the fireplace.  Allie is snoring under the coffee table and the clothes dryer is working overtime --- life is good.

GiGi

Welcome 2015!  Time to throw out the old and welcome in the new!  Throwing out all of the regrets, disappointments and welcoming the opportunity to start afresh!  Fresh dreams, fresh hopes, and if things don't happen the way that I have hoped or dreamed...that's okay too.  I will be where I am supposed to be and as long as I go on this journey with God as my driver.....it will be a great journey! 

We started this new year with breakfast with everyone else in Maumelle at the iHop!  I have never seen it so busy!  The restaurant was packed and the lobby was full of people waiting to be seated.  Craig offered to take me shopping but rain was all around us and I was happy to just go home and light the fireplace and watch football bowl games on the television!  It has been raining most of the day.  We are in a rain pattern through Saturday.  Yuck!  So happy that I scooped my backyard yesterday!  Doing a little laundry so that I can at least say that I was productive today!

I have this reminder on my bathroom mirror:

Dear GiGi,

Thank you but I don't need your help today.  I've got this.

Love,
God

This is one of my resolutions:  to let go and to let God.  When I put my worries in God's hands, I can then focus on all of the blessings that God has given me and instead of being frustrated that things aren't going according to my plan, I can be grateful for all that is going according to God's plan!